The games I would have played with her. The knowledge I would have passed on to her. How could Marie love me this much two years ago, and leave me in a crumpled heap like this? I feel like a zombie I am so engulfed by sadness. I wander through my daily routine with little thinking. I have done my best not to let friends and family know how truly devastated I am. I have lost 30 pounds since Marie has left. I just forget to eat most days. I sit alone in the dark at night and just wait to fall asleep from exhaustion and despair. I though about calling Marie but didn’t see any point in it. It’s a week before Christmas. It is a crisp December day. After sunset I take a walk. I walk for miles without even knowing it. I look at all the pretty Christmas lights and think how happy some people will be during this time of year. I try not to think of my situation as happy people pass me by and offer warm seasons greetings. Time is slipping away from me as I start to head back home. The light. She had stopped and was tap tapping the space in front of her. She was completely hidden under a raincoat that looked two sizes too big for her. I couldn't see her face but it was obvious that she was either partially sighted or maybe even totally blind. I sat watching her as she seemed to gather herself before stepping out onto the crossing.The stick was sweeping a short arc as she carefully made her way as people swirled around her. I suddenly felt myself tensing up as I stared at her with a kind of surreal fascination and admiration at what she was doing. Was she going to work? Shopping? Whatever it was, she had guts. There she was. Just her, her oversized raincoat, black knee-length skirt, black stockings and sensible shoes against the world.And then that world changed.There is always THAT asshole. The asshole in a rush not giving a shit. I felt myself sit forward suddenly as I saw him running towards her. Everything happened in slow motion. She was about two-thirds of the way.
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